Resolutions

As another year draws to a close we are reminded of how blessed we are. During this Advent Season God has impressed on our hearts the need to be thankful. God has been truly gracious to our family and we are so thankful for his sovereignty and provision.
Ben has had amazing opportunities as he has worked at the Arts Academy and was able to conduct Faure’s Requiem as well as the Canadian Badlands Passion Play. Our dear Jakob is a bundle of energy as any three year old boy should be and is learning to structure that energy in school, which he LOVES.
And God has held our sweet Ella in his loving grasp beyond what we deserve. As we have watched other children like Ella go through surgery after surgery, heart and bowel problems, cancer and many other ailments that come with the 47th chromosome we feel blessed beyond imagination.
Being a part of the staff at the Prairie Tab has played a huge part in Krista’s ability to take Ella into Calgary for her various appointments and programs and for that we are so grateful. We are encouraged to see God work through the Worship Arts Ministry, the servants that lead the service every week and the music that he writes on our hearts. Preparing for Advent has been an especially refreshing exercise and we pray God’s presence in your life as you also prepare for the Christmas season and the year to come.


Blessings and Merry Christmas,


Ben, Krista, Jakob and Ella

This message was included in our letter as staff to the congregation of Prairie Tab. I think about it often. It is a good summary of 2010 and yet it only scrapes the surface of the past year. I have so much to be thankful for, soooooo much, and yet I stand at the doorway of 2011 uninspired, without resolution, and void of motivation.

I find there are two types of blogs- the whimsical, somewhat abstract poetry kind and the down to earth updates on our world kind. I have tried to find a balance here since I combined my two previous blogs (the Pursuit of Truth and the Adventures of Us). But quite frankly, there are these two distinct parts of my being that I struggle to reconcile. So here we go, I am just going give you the down low, straight up.

My life is complicated. It is busy, busier than most. I love New Year’s resolutions. I love the idea of starting new, reforming, growing. Every year I seem to have a mountain I am determined to conquer, but not this year. Usually, resolutions involve adding – exercise, reading consistently, taking a course, learning a skill, going on dates with my husband, checking off items on the bucket list, etc.. Well one thing I know for sure, is that I DO NOT have time to add anything. So perhaps my resolution could to be to simplify? And yet I find this also an impossible task. I need to work, as we already run a deficit. We’ve been over the budget again and again, and as a banker (in my past life) I know many would marvel at how we survive on what we do. I am not about to cut out Ella’s programs, and spring brings even busier times for Ben which means my hopes of getting out of the house to do a photography course, pilates, or go on a date is out of the question. I would aspire to eat healthier but we actually do pretty well, and out here in the boonies we don’t have any spud.ca service to deliver fresh organic veggies to my door.

But to be honest, it is hard to make resolutions when you are waiting……waiting for change. I am in a constant state of limbo. No, I’m not pregnant and not adopting as much as I wish I could. But I am biding my time until inevitable change comes and pulls the rug out from under me once again. I can only assume that this waiting is the source of much of my discontentment. I fear inspiration because it might move me, and at this time, I am not in a position to be moved. I know this because it is not the first time I have been here. It is all too familiar, but this time, there is more than just me to think about. There are my kids, and the passions that have swept me off my feet and now must be suppressed until circumstance allows.

I have had quite the argument with God on this one….for many years. As I told my mom’s group, I am a V8 engine in a little volkswagon bug.  Always fueled with passion and energy but without all wheel drive to show ’em what I am made of. Why would he give me so many hopes, desires and passions and no place to thrive. The Israelites spent 40 years in the dessert. I don’t want to wait 40 years. I have sought counsel on this conundrum many times and all I am told is that I just have to wait.

So how do I approach 2011? What do I do while I wait? Do I do as so many others do and ignore the significance of a new year? Do I make no change and just continue aspiring to recognize all the blessings in this one beautiful life? I love resolutions….strange but true. So what is this wife/mother/individual/goal oriented organizer to do? Perhaps I need to draw a flow chart?

Disclaimer: This post is so much less than I hoped it would be. I began to write many times over with no satisfaction. I wanted it to be a celebration of the life we have been blessed with in 2010, an inventory of my children’s joys and accomplishments of the past year and filled with hopes for a New Year. I wanted this post to be inspiring and beautiful……here’s hoping the strike of 12am brings a new outlook. Ugh.