Nightmares

Last night I had a dream. Actually, it was a nightmare. It began as a dream, typically convoluted and nonsensical, most of which I can’t remember. I was with many people, gathered in a large white tent, maybe I was on the stage speaking or perhaps I was in my seat and merely stood when in entered a very obese man wearing a green shirt and black suspenders. He carried a child and placed him on the ground and said something to the effect of, “who’s child is this? You should all be very glad that I am here.” But it was not said with compassion or gentleness but with a conceited spiting air and no regard for the people sitting in the tent nor the child he had just placed on the ground. Then he left. We walked over to the child and rolled him over. It was Jakob. He did not look injured but rather asleep, but as I said, “Jakob” he did not stir and then I woke up.

My heart raced and I struggled to find sleep until a time that I could call him at his Grandparents house where he was staying for a sleepover. He was fine. But dreams like these always shake me to the core. Perhaps, I dreamt it because I had similar thoughts before I drifted off to sleep. Last night, as I made his bed with freshly cleaned sheets and tidied each piece of lego, I wondered what it would be like to have to go into that room if he was not there. I did the same in Ella’s room, putting her clothes away and putting each doll in its place. I visited only for a moment that place in my heart where the fear of living without my children resides.

The thought of death has been closer to the surface as of late and it steals my mind away. Not for the people that have died, but for the people that have lost a loved one. And yet life is so fleeting. Here in North America, we don’t carry the risks of the middle east. Chances are we will not die on the way to the store from a sniper or a bomb and there are few times in the day when we worry for our safety. But death is still there and we are at the mercy of God’s will as are our children.

I heard the story once, of a couple that adopted a child through Reece’s Rainbow. This little girl, whom they had rescued from the ill conditions of an Eastern European orphanage and the obscurity of life as an orphan, died just six short months after she was home. It begged the question, was it worth it? International adoption costs upwards of $50,000. Was it worth it?: 6 months of transition and then she was gone. Yes, of course it was. Just because she came with a monetary price tag, I am sure the love they had for this little girl was no different than the love they had for their biological children.

A few years ago, I was in agony over the rate of death in children. It seemed to be all around me as I read story after story of children with Down Syndrome who died from leukemia or heart disease and I was paralyzed with fear. I wept as I feared irony, and the thought of losing Jakob, my perfectly “healthy” little boy from those same ailments or pure accident and I thought about all of the parents who have to hold their children as they say good-bye all to soon. But then I remembered the quiet moments, the night Ella was born when I whispered to God, thanking him for Ella, remembering that she was His, and that He had given her to me…on loan, until the time he took her back. He had entrusted his child, who was His to me. We accept parenthood not knowing – not knowing for how long or how “easy”. We are not told if our children will face disease or disabilities. We try to have control, as we take tests, have ultrasounds and some even play God terminating life but in reality we have NO CONTROL. All we can do, is take care of these precious children for the time that they are given to us, by grace. And those children without a mother or a father or a family, deserve to be loved, even if they are only here on earth for a short time. How much more it seems necessary to rescue them so that they can die knowing that they are loved and are part of a family!

Christmas is coming. November 1st marks the beginning of the Reece’s Rainbow Angel Tree and this year, like every year, I will be a Christmas Warrior for an orphan who deserves a family. So why am I telling you now? For two reasons. The first one, is, please, if you are able, become a warrior. Secondly, if you don’t feel you can be a warrior, and many don’t, please give, and if you can’t give, please pray for these children. The Angel Tree starts in just 45 days. Save $1 a day and right at the start a child will be $45 dollars closer to finding their forever family. Each dollar goes towards their adoption grant which directly helps their family bring them home.

It’s coming. You’ll see more about it on this space. Save your pennies, and come November 1st you will be able to put a face to the cause of which I speak. It’s so simple.

Think about this: In Central and Eastern Europe there are more than 1.5 million children who have been abandoned by their families. If statistically, 1 out of ever 733 births results in a child with Down Syndrome that means that at any given time there are 2046 children with Down Syndrome who need families. That is just in Europe. Many die because of the lack of medical intervention, others because of lack of food and lack of love. In Russia, there are over 700,000 children waiting for families, meaning at least 955 children with DS are waiting and in Asia, there are 3,572,000 orphans, with nearly 5000 children with DS who are unwanted. (From reecesrainbow.org)