Thoughts for 2015

I have been trying to articulate a New Year’s post for a couple of days now but it just hasn’t been coming together in any sort of cohesive manner, so I think it is just time to start typing and see where it goes.

People tend to approach a new year with Ambition or with Anticipation. There are some who create their list of resolutions with confidence, determined to improve their life in some area or another – wealth, health and everything in between. There are others who take a looser approach, not determining anything but open to everything – just what does 2015 hold for me?

This year, I can’t say I find myself in either camp. I have always been wary of making resolutions because I have an irrational fear of failure. In my convoluted mind, I figure if I don’t set goals I can’t fail at them, and so I wander aimlessly, never really putting myself 100% into anything. My family actually holds to the motto, “Strive for Mediocrity”. We ridicule go-getters, teachers’ pets and do-gooders. Okay, perhaps I am being a little unfair – our love language is also sarcasm, so you can really only trust 10% of what we say anyway. That being said, I have always struggled with this mentality. What is so wrong with being a cheerleader anyway? Be it dissolution or “faking it until you make it”, what is so wrong with being the positive voice in a cynical crowd.

I want to be a cheerleader, an advocate, a leader and yet, for some reason, when I assume these positions I feel so vulnerable. I fear that people will judge me the way I have heard others judged and perhaps, have judged myself. I fear that people will shut me out for standing up for what I believe in, I am afraid I will burn bridges and worst of all, I am afraid of failure. Perhaps this is why I choose a blog as my main medium of communication and why social media comes so naturally – I don’t have to look anyone face to face, or watch them physically turn around and walk away, although, I admit, it does feel like that sometimes when people fail to respond to messages, posts or comments.

But part of me thinks, what do I have to lose? While I do deeply value my friends, family and faithful readers, I wonder if I try too hard to please people who will forget my name tomorrow.

Resolutions, for me, (when I have made them, or at the least thought about them), have always been habits that I intend to carry with me, not just for a year, but for life. And while, I can’t say that I have set specific goals for 2015 ff. two words have been percolating in my heart and mind.

Contentment.

Intentional.

Contentment often implies being satisfied with a situation that is stagnant but our life is anything but stagnant and in the next six months we will face at least one, probably two, possibly more big life changes. So how do you remain content amidst change and transition and how does this contentment play out practically in the day to day?

I think much of it comes down to confidence: confidence in who you are, in your values and your priorities, which brings me to being intentional. I want to be intentional – thoroughly thinking through where we are at, where we want to be and how we can get there while staying true to ourselves. I want to live in such a way that the vulnerability, which so easily inhibits me, dissolves and becomes my strength – becomes a means of reaching people and inspiring them to live with confidence and contentment themselves. It’s not about what 2015 will hold for me. Sure, the year will bring its challenges and blessings but let’s start by turning our gaze outward and upward.

There is a lot to unpack here. I don’t know about you, but it gives me a lot to think about. The thoughts don’t end here and they permeate every aspect of my life from my role as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend to my role as writer, photographer, stylist, designer, blogger, human being who has social and financial responsibilities.

Journey with me. Join the conversation. Let’s push on into 2015 together.

And because we all love a good pic or two of my children… and they are so much of what motivates me to better living, here they are on one of our weekly trips to Granville Island.