Today, I had a bit of a meltdown. I called a girlfriend and she suggested I stop sugar-coating reality and just lay it bare for the world to read.
“Write a post about it. We all read your blog, just be honest with people. You try to save face but then people don’t know what is really going on.” I blame her.
It started from the moment I woke up but climaxed about an hour ago. You see, in an attempt to save sanity I took the kids outside. It’s a beautiful day here. Audrey napped this morning for about 5 minutes so was completely exhausted and I obviously was getting no work done because my nanny is sick and the kids are off school.
(What are they doing right now you ask? Well, I should be feeding them lunch but instead am letting them go into a screen induced comatose state in which they forget their hunger)
So back to this morning when I was getting NO work done and just getting frustrated so took kids to the park. When Jakob said he was getting hungry and thirsty I took the opportunity to seek out more caffeine at our local coffee shop. Jakob found a nice little table in the back and we sat down with some scones and water and a coffee for mama. Then in come two people I had overheard at the counter while I was ordering. They sit down beside us. The tables are quite close together and this arrangement forced one of them to share a couch with Ella, Audrey and I. So let’s just note, it’s their fault for choosing that spot. As I listened to these young single lovelies discuss business I gathered that one was a successful florist and one was a graphic designer hoping to get business from young florist. Meanwhile, Audrey is starting to lose it. She is super tired and inconsolable, so I tell the kids it’s time to go. Here I am – Audrey is getting fussier and fussier while Ella moves slower than molasses in January putting her two coats on and I am listening to these people use the work “like” way too much whilst discussing business in their perfectly planned outfits and sipping cappuccinos. 5 minutes later, Audrey is really freaking out and Ella is still putting on her coats and I think to myself, this is bullshit. This is why I am doomed, because while others are out there getting the business over cookies and tea, this mompreneur is desperately trying to make enough money to support her family but with no time to do it. It’s like I’m trying to swim against the current with 3 kids and a ten tonne weight tied to my ankle while everyone else is just passing me by and not even offering to help.
You guys, I am so frustrated. I am frustrated to tears because all I am trying to do is make a life for me and my kids. I have learned that while I love my husband, he can’t do that for me. I just need to do it. I am taking responsibility and determined to make a life. But here is the thing – I need help, or at least support.
I feel like the moment someone finds out you are selling something – be it a product or a service they avoid you like the plague or ignore you. I talked to my dad this morning. MY DAD! I had messaged him about something and without even looking at it wrote it off. I’m not trying to sell you a purple unicorn!! I am trying to make money providing a service you need or selling you a product you already use for a VERY comparable price.
If there is one thing I will take away from this shit time in my life is that I will always be a cheerleader. I will. Because people need cheerleaders and you know what? It doesn’t cost you anything. I will like your page, or your post and if you ask me to buy baby wash, I will buy it because you know what? I use it anyway, so why would I save $3 buying it from a store when I could support a fellow mom who is just trying to make a way to stay home with her kids?
I want to give a huge shout out to my mom. My mom is my biggest cheerleader and I am so so so thankful for her. She will always like my posts, share my page, buy my products and be there when I need a shoulder to cry on.
So there you have it. Things really suck right now and I am desperately trying to get my kids to dry land. If you want to lend a hand or be a cheerleader there are lots of ways to do it. Did you know that every time you like a post on Facebook my reach grows exponentially? Reach matters to me because I have the potential to make money writing sponsored posts but companies won’t hire me unless I have influence. What is influence? Influence is the number of twitter followers I have, FB page likes I get, Pageviews on my blog, all that stuff – it’s not narcissistic, it’s business. Think of me like a busker. You read a post and like it, throw a penny in the hat by clicking that “like” button. Need a logo, website, photography or graphic design services? I do that – pick me.
If I message you about any of the above know that it took a lot of courage for me to put myself out there and ask for the business, so just message back. It doesn’t need to be long and you know what, if you don’t need what I offer just say so.
More than that folks, be aware of what is happening around you. Seriously. Moms work hard. Yesterday, I went to Costco with all three kids. I stood with Audrey and Ella while I sent Jakob to get some hot dogs (thankfully he is big enough and confident enough to do this as I look on). As I am holding Audrey, with Jakob keeping Ella at a table, I’m trying to get ketchup and mustard on the bun and not on my shirt, clearly struggling. I can’t even tell you how grateful I would have been if someone offered to help. Offer to help. Be kind. It costs nothing. NOTHING!
There you have it. The brutally honest post I will regret publishing later but here is what I told my girlfriend. I am at a really desperate time in my life and I am willing to listen to ANY and ALL advice that people give me because I am beyond preserving my own pride in order to give our family a fighting chance.
20 Comments
Bravo for your honesty! Sounds like you need to laugh hysterically with some new friends on an adults only night out – I know just the place 😉
PS I think your photographs are absolutely stunning and you will be the first photographer I will recommend or call when needed. On the same vein if you have a product that can give me skin like yours I’m in!!
Thanks Elena, I am looking forward to tomorrow night. I told Ben that he needed to be excited about it (even though he is totally skeptical) because I need to make friends and I like you gals! Plus, I’m intrigued!
Hey, I am here for you. I am sending you a note to say “I hear you” but I need to have a think and maybe a conversation with you about what you want. I have no advice or magic bullet, but please know my heart aches for you. I can relate to the struggle of being an ambitious momma, butI can’t relate to trying to make it happen on your own. I have always had a job that I went to instead of one that I tried to create. This is the world I know. The thing about the paycheque is that it allowed me to have someone consistently look after my kids to give me space to do my thing, and the job made me leave and go do it instead of caving for my family. This is what I need and needed to find balance and to be able to contribute my gifts to the world. My thought about your very courageous work life for what it’s worth: it’s hard to break into a new market. It takes time. And sometimes you have to spend money to make money. So so hard to step out in faith, but it seems like you need consistent childcare for your sweeties so you can be you in the world. What I am consistently hearing from you is that you can’t stay where you are. This is not working for you. Please lean. I am here if you want to thrash around and try and make a plan. Can we find you a part-time job and a little extra time to do your own stuff? Come see me tonight if you want. Love, me
Thanks for dropping a note Jody! The problem is that if I work outside the home I have to get childcare for 3 kids and it totally eats up the paycheque. I don’t have a lot of credentials and couldn’t get a well paying job so I don’t even know if I would come out ahead. And Ben can’t compensate. Like this week he is out every single night plus has classes during the day. I tried to hire a nanny but so far it is failing miserably. She’s nice and good with Audrey but her limited availability is useless to me. My greatest earning potential is in my design work but I don’t have the credentials to get hired by an outside organization to get hired in a formal capacity. I feel very stuck and very isolated.
This is just it. I know you can’t do it my way. I am wondering if we could drum up another childcare arrangement for you to give you space just for miss Audrey, and I am reaching out precisely because I sense you are in a spot where you are trapped and need out. Sorry today didn’t work out starring the Stark girls. I sent you a note because I wanted you to know I read and “got” what you shared, at least on some level. Praying for God to make a way and here to talk and rail against the world if needed. I even supply wine. 😉
Last night my kids were coughing and two were running a fever. At eleven O’clock Gretta woke up with a double ear infection and needed more parenting than I think she’s ever needed in her life and at the same time my client called saying she was in labor so I left Mark with sick kids, pumped milk and a four month old baby. I worked all night doing something I am incredibly good at and that I love with all my heart and came home at 7:30am to say good morning to my second born on her eighth birthday and slammed back two extra strength advil because the headache coming on was one that no amount of sleep or natural remedies could touch. Tonight I will try to go to bed early to catch up on sleep but will probably spend an extra two hours researching treatments for LGL Leukemia that my mom was just diagnosed with.
We are all struggling hard. I’m so sorry that it feels insurmountable right now. And that you don’t feel supported. But those women who had it all together probably didn’t. One may be worried she has cancer and the other may be stressed to the max thinking she’ll lose her business if she doesn’t get control of the debt.
I hope you know that you are amazing and talented and that it will be okay. That while it’s impossibly difficult we still live in one of the most blessed places on earth. That should any number of horrible things happen to you, there are many many people who would love you and help you care for you. While I definitely don’t have any business advice as my business is very different from yours, I can tell you that you are not alone in this crazy working mom business. I do however need a logo for my website if you aren interested in giving me a quote 🙂
Oh Lola. This season. Sigh. I’ll email you regarding logo design.
Hey friend – thanks for being vulnerable. You won’t regret that. If nothing else, you’ve gained a new subscriber to your blog. And if it’s any consolation, I haven’t blogged since 2013…. despite the greatest of intentions to do so. So I look up to you as a fellow parent who finds time to write. It speaks of your drive. Keep at it.
Hi to Ben too. Hope Edmonton’s treating you as well as Edmonton can. 😉
Thanks Steve, I really appreciate you dropping a line to say hello. Say hi to Rhonda for us!
I hope it keeps climbing up. Thanks for your bravery and honesty.
I have tears streaming down my face as I read this. I love you for this post and if it didn’t feel so incredibly close to my own life’s story I would offer up some advice. But really-the truth is this season friggin sucks. Can we all just pool our incomes together, live in a house and just ‘be’?
Right?! Where is the village!
Krista. Thank you for sharing, with brutal truth, what some of us are going through. The biggest lesson I have learned (and it too me a long time and not without some shame) was asking for help. “The village” our parents had isn’t a given any longer and so we have to seek it out and create it. We are here for you and your family any time… drop the kids off, go for a run, stay for dinner, our door is ALWAYS open. You don’t need to give me 5 days notice, just say the word… I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night, perhaps a belated bday celebration is in order!
This is completely none of my business, except for the fact that my mama heart goes out to you in a huge way, (and I’m going to get serious flak for saying this) but your husband needs to wake up and smell the coffee. You can’t possibly do everything on your own. It’s just too much. I admire you so much for trying, but like you said, you’re swimming against the current! How can he be going back to school while you’re under this much financial stress? There. I said it. I don’t mean to cause any offence, but you’re going to run yourself ragged trying to support your family on your own. Obviously single mothers do it somehow, but you aren’t a single mama! It’s a luxury to go back to school at this stage, and there’s no way in heck we could ever afford that luxury. We are in the red every month, and that’s with my husband working full time. I will send you any graphic design work that I come across, though! And will take a look at Usura. I think the trouble with multi-level marking businesses is that they have a bad rap. People are worried that they will feel obligated to spend money that they don’t have because of feeling pressured. I know you aren’t pressuring anyone, but it’s just the nature of multi level sales that seems to turn some people off. And the tricky part is that I have about 15 different moms on my Facebook who are all trying to sell the same types of products, so there’s a lot of competition for everyone’s limited funds. Silver icing, books, Stella and Dot, etc etc. I can’t afford to buy something from everyone, unfortunately 🙁 You’re probably on the right track with Usura, though, since it’s more essential items rather than luxuries. Sending a big huge hug to you, beautiful mama. You will get through this. You are amazingly strong and incredibly talented, and you will find something that works. A friend of mine just broke her leg two days ago, and while she was in hospital her house caught fire and her husband just barely got the kids out in time. So, things could be worse 😉
Krista, you’ve been struggling with income for a long time now. Is it time I think about going back to school, doing a training program in a field that is growing or contacting an employment counsellor to work through how you can keep your passions as hobbies yet help support your family financially?
For a while my husband worked nights bartending while I worked days teaching. Bartending wasn’t my husbands dream job, but earning extra income for the family made him feel good about how he was contributing. We don’t all get it be paid for following our passions. In fact, most of us do not.
If what we are doing isn’t working, sometimes it’s time to try something new.
Thats a great idea. I tried to do more schooling but I don’t have the time time or finances to go to school. My husband is in school and is out most evenings. 🙁
Thank you for your honest truth. You are a force to be reckoned with – you are not afraid to tell people what needs to be told and frankly, I think we need to do this more often because the world has forgotten to be courteous and chivalrous. People are too busy being selfish – we can start a movement by being what our pioneer forefathers were – be united and pull each other up. You will find a different world opening up to you in the days / years to come.
We all need to rant once in a while – it’s healthy and no apology is needed. Once the rage is out take a deep breath and invite calmness to come back in and brainstorm again. Challenges will make you stronger and now you will have more cheerleaders on your side. I also thank you for your blog on gratefulness. I believe you and Ben are good people – just that the decisions you have made have not given you the break you needed. Keep believing in each other and be united at all times. This too shall come to pass. Blessings to you all.
I hear you. I’m in a similar place at this time – different reasons but the same frustration. I also blog and I know how frustrating it is to work so hard and then not have anybody see what you’ve done. The algorithyms suck. There is money to be made in blogging – we just have to figure out how to get people to see us. There’s a lot of good information out there and finding a tribe that shares what you love is the key. You lean on each other and help each other: you like each other’s pages, you share Facebook posts, share tweets, comment and pin each other’s pins.. You write the best content you can and you just send it out everywhere you can. It takes time. Believe you can do it. The blogging, the Usana, being a mother, wife and any other hats you wear. I love that you shared how you feel. It’s tough, Life throws a lot at us but asking for help, while hard, will bring good things.
http://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/5-free-tools-to-help-you-make-money-blogging/
I don’t really blog- I online journal or process write publicly but If I was blogging for money I would do all of Kerens suggestions in the above article- they are smart.. Maybe you already do.? I’m not a do it yourself crafter but I follow her blog because she is witty and refreshing even when she talks about chickens…Check her out- maybe she has a suggestion you haven’t done.
Well, there needs to be a balance. If I really just blogged for money, I would blog about making money, because that is who really does well with it. I want to make money but also stay true to myself. I know what to do…I just don’t always do it. 🙂