One beautiful life.
It sounds romantic doesn’t it? Find the beauty in everything from rainy days to vomit.
It’s been four months since I contributed to this space. It feels awkward, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I lost myself and my voice in the midst of confusion, busyness and the restless fog that has overshadowed the last six months.
I usually revel in the hours that quickly pass between Christmas and New Year’s. I clean, I purge and I take note, mentally and on paper, of where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and new resolutions for a fresh chapter, a clean slate, a blank canvas.
Eat better.
Exercise more.
Spend less.
But this year is different. For the first time in 12 years, I have a full-time job and the idea of adding anything seems next to impossible. Survival is the only objective…or is it?
The fog still lingers – vague, I know, but the truth is, sometimes, from one year to the next we have to bring baggage with us because we haven’t dealt with what’s inside or we are holding too tightly to a piece of luggage that has been with us so long it has become like an extra appendage or a security blanket. It’s part of who we are and we can’t let go.
I wasn’t a big fan of Frozen. This is an understatement – I hated it. I thought the premise was completely ridiculous: run away from your problems and shut the world out and then, once you’ve hurt everyone around you, come back and it will all be okay. You let it go and so will they?
“No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it goYou’ll never see me cry
Here I stand and here I stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back, the past is in the past”
Yes, this is the song that little girls would sing on repeat…
Luckily, Disney realised that this probably was not the right message to indoctrinate children with and sought to make amends with Frozen II. I realise that there are mixed reviews about this much anticipated sequel and quite frankly Olaf holds the whole thing up BUT…as I walked the fields today, getting ready to turn the page on 2019 and envisioning 2020, one scene stuck with me.
[SPOILER ALERT] It’s when Olaf is turning into a flurry – he’s dying. Ana cradles Olaf in her arms until the last of him has blown away with the wind. She has sat comforting her dying friend all night long and when morning comes, she is leaning against a cold, uncomfortable rock. She lacks the physical, emotional and mental strength to go on and save her sister. She can do no more than lean into the pain.
Eventually, Ana allows herself to see past her current context and recall something that is said earlier in the movie, “when you can’t see the future, just do the next right thing.”
I think that too often, especially at this time of year, we can be weighed down with happy-clappy messages of unrealistic optimism. It was pointed out in a book I’ve been listening to that resolutions always focus on what we are not. They are corrections to our sources of shame. We feel that we are not pretty enough, not healthy enough and not rich enough so we eat better, exercise more and spend less.
They make us focus on areas where we are not enough…but the truth is, in this moment, you are enough.
And maybe right now, like me, you need to lean into the discomfort instead of trying to pretend that you are anything other than who you are. We need to stop pretending that the cold hard rock is as soft as a down-filled pillow because it’s not. These hard times are shaping you, giving you depth and one day, when you are ready, you will stand up, put one foot in front of the other, and do the next right thing.
So for 2020, lean in with me.
Lean into the discomfort.
Lean into who you are – all of your strengths, joys, victories, shortcomings and shame.
Lean into the present. It’s where you are today. What is today teaching you? What is God teaching you? What is one truth or victory you can carry into tomorrow?
I’m ready for you 2020.
5 Comments
Oh this is SO good!! That’s exactly what the Lord has been teaching me the last few months, that He is using my struggles to change me and grow me and draw me closer to Him. He’s REALLY changing us!!
Somebody posted a quote today, “To live is to change and to be perfect, is to have changed often.” – John Henry Newman
I don’t know if perfection is actually attainable but I do believe that in never being perfect we are constantly changing in pursuit of, at the very least being better. It’s a strange phenomenon that we should think things, or ourselves would be perfect. I think if we step back and lean into the imperfection, we would realise it really isn’t that bad. Happy New Year Cindy!
Wow. I could have written this which is weird. I couldn’t agree more with the idea of just BEING- very beautiful. I knew you loveNew Years and usually do a post so came to check… you probably already received my thoughts on the next right thing a couple weeks ago and it was exactly what I needed this December ( that said I do like the song let it go as a mantra for letting go of bitterness or disappointment ect but I disliked frozen one too for a myriad of reasons tho I liked that they finally had an introverted heroine but they didn’t give her full balance and this time they did it justice ) Wishing you and your family the next right thing, delight in Being when possible and acceptance in the hardships. Loved this post so much !
Thanks Kmarie, Happy New Year to you and your family! I do enjoy reading your posts and am sorry I don’t get to responding more. I don’t know if you would like the book I refer to but just in case your curious it is “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck” It’s saturated in profanity and I don’t agree with all of it, but there are a few nuggets in a different perspective.
I have read that! I own it. Liked it. There were some nuggets. 🙂
The kids just got your candy- thanks for that…I had a tiny piece and my tongue kept protesting for awhile ( so sour! lol) M. was especially a fan so thank you.
Oh and thanks for letting me know- I totally get it…and I am glad you enjoy some of them.:)
We spent a long time looking at dads videos and pics of your house and life…I especially liked the scenery near some of the heritage homes. Glad you guys are thriving and enjoying most aspects. I hope that continues on for you.